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Are You Anxious or Fearful? Here is the Answer!
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September 21, 2020Are You Anxious or Fearful? Here is the Answer!
From Marriage and Family Life Office
Dear Family,
We are entering our 7th month of altered lifestyles of sheltering at home and COVID-19 social distancing. And it has certainly affected us in many ways, some of which are very real but not talked about much. And those are loneliness, anxiety, and fear. While most of us are tied into social media and have mastered the “Art of Zoom” meetings, we seem to be lonelier and more afraid than ever. Why? Because people are made to be in communion with each other! We are made to be with our families, or friends, or co-workers. Jesus came to give us a new commandment to: “Love one another as I have loved you.”
We recently heard a talk (virtually of course) by Arthur Brooks, a professor of Practice of Public Leadership at Harvard University. As a sociologist he has studied the trends of behaviors in people. He had some very interesting things to say. First of all, our sense of well-being is a chemical response in the brain when we see or touch those we love. With this social distancing, it is more difficult to hug those you love who don’t live with you, shake the hand of your colleges, give a “High Five” to a child who did well. For us personally, though, both our 92 year-old mothers live in our hometown in senior care facilities. But we have not been able to physically be in the same place with them since mid-March. Are they lonely? Are they afraid? Yes, absolutely! Using FaceTime on your phone with someone with Alzheimer’s does not give the impact of love as a hug and personal presence would.
Dr. Brooks says that fear crowds out love, but through love one can negate their fear. First John 4:18 says: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.” As children grow, they need opportunities to learn to overcome their fears, knowing that their parents (and God) loves them so much. By doing small acts of courage such as sleeping without a nightlight, running an errand by themselves, or riding their bike to a friend’s house develops self-confidence and courage to do things on their own. Having your child knock on the neighbor’s door to ask them if they can retrieve the ball that went over the fence and not asking the parent to call the neighbor, builds great skills in taking personal responsibility for one’s actions.
Dr. Brooks cited a study done by Dr. Jean Twenge, a psychologist at San Diego State University, which said people who immerse themselves in social media are more likely to suffer depression (fear and loneliness) leading to an increase in suicides. Why is that? Could it be they lack the in-person physical contact with “real” people? Are they lacking that feeling of love and friendship one gets when in the presence of others? Most of us would rather meet with our friends and family in person than in a “live chat.”
So Dr. Brooks gave us some homework to do at the end of his presentation and we pass it along to you. Say “I love you” to your friends and family often, and especially to those around you who perhaps have never heard those words from you. We go walking with a friend once a week, keeping our social distance of course, but being physically present to each other and being able to have an in-person conversation. Every time when we finish walking, she always leaves saying “I love you guys.” At first we were a bit embarrassed. But we do love her too and value her friendship. So we answer her in the same way.
Do not be afraid to say “I love you!” Challenge yourself and others to be bold and courageous in doing good and acting in love and charity. It can help deal with your anxiety and fear.
We love you all.
Carlin and Deacon Dave
Marriage and Family Life Office
